


Facts and Figures

by summoner_yuna_of_besaid



Series: Best Destinies [10]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Multi, Shore Leave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 14:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summoner_yuna_of_besaid/pseuds/summoner_yuna_of_besaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wasn’t it just their luck that, when they finally got the chance to kick back on shore leave, they found the one planet that defied explanation? Bones looked around at the supposed picturesque expanse and cursed under his breath, arms crossed.</p>
<p>“Sir?”  Yeoman Barrows was at his side: this young woman, for whatever reason, was attracted to him.</p>
<p>He considered leaving her, looking for the rabbit by himself, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. She was intoxicating. She wanted him. Had anyone ever really wanted him?</p>
<p>Jocelyn did, once. He didn’t like thinking about that.</p>
<p>Set during the episode "Shore Leave".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facts and Figures

Wasn’t it just their luck that, when they finally got the chance to kick back on shore leave, they found the one planet that defied explanation? Bones looked around at the supposed picturesque expanse and cursed under his breath, arms crossed.

It had taken everything he had to finally convince both the captain and Starfleet Command to let the flagship take shore leave. The captain had been all for it, but Starfleet wasn’t eager to let the Enterprise go so soon after the mess with the Romulans. But McCoy wouldn’t back down – the crew was going to crash and burn if they couldn’t let loose soon. Eventually they saw reason.

But now it looked like all the doctor’s hard work was going straight down the drain, since the planet wasn’t as peaceful and simple as he’d supposed.

“Just my luck,” He grumbled again.

“Sir?”

Yeoman Barrows was at his side, which startled him; in his reverie he’d almost forgotten she was there. And how could he do that? Her perfume colored the air, and she stood so close to him he couldn’t help but be hyper aware of her, of every accidental brush of their skin, every promising smile.

And they were promising: this young woman, for whatever reason, was attracted to him, the grumpy old doctor at least ten years her senior. He couldn’t deny that something about the prospect was alluring. He didn’t know Barrows well; she was a fine officer, a sweet woman, distractingly gorgeous. If he was still twenty two, he’d already be throwing lines her way.

He did throw a few, for old time’s sake, making very promising remarks, and found the old routine was still there though it’s been far too long since he’s done it. There was heat rushing through him at every bat of her eyelids, and the fact that she was reciprocating, that she wanted him – it was invigorating. It had been more than a decade since anyone wanted him.

But that thought put a halt on the whole process. What was he doing? She was a junior officer, a young woman with a promising future who probably just wanted a roll in the hay, which he would’ve been fine with doing years ago but – but now? He… 

“Doctor?”

McCoy put on a smile and nodded at Barrows. “Sorry, Yeoman. Heads in the clouds today.” They’ve got a mission, weird as it is, and he could contemplate beautiful, unobtainable women later.

He considered leaving her, looking for the rabbit by himself, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. She was intoxicating. She wanted him. Had anyone ever really wanted him?

Jocelyn did, once. He didn’t like thinking about that.

-=-====-=-=-=-=-==-=

“Ruth?”

This couldn’t be. Jim stared in shock and awe at the woman crossing the ground towards him, hands trembling as he did so. A ghost out of his past was sauntering his way and all he could do was stare.

It had been so long, but she looked just the same: eyes twinkling like the stars in the Milky Way, smile shining brighter than any sun. Memories of long nights and early mornings spent at her side, in her bed, spun through his mind and suddenly his pants were a little tight, and his knees weak.

“Yes, Jim?”

Oh, her voice, as sweet and alluring as it had been all those years ago, when he’d still been young enough to believe love could mean everything, be the be-all, end-all of existence. How he’d loved her. Hand shaking, he lifted his fingers to trace her cheek, and felt the reality beneath his knuckles.

“Captain, respond.”

Distracted, Jim touched the communicator, never letting his eyes leave Ruth. A part of his mind insisted that his behavior was unbecoming, that they could be in danger, that this couldn’t be real – and a larger part didn’t care. He was so tired, so lonely, exhausted by the duty and by the weight it put upon his shoulders, the distance which stood between him and the other officers, who were allowed to be mortal men. He couldn’t be. He had to be more than mortal, better than perfect. No Captain could risk being anything less.

He ended the conversation as quickly as he could, lost in Ruth’s eyes as he shut the communicator off. It had been so long since he’d been with anyone who genuinely cared about him, even if it was just to sit next to one another, comfortable and at peace. Oh, he missed Ruth. Missed being able to let go, to set himself free, to not be perfect or superhuman. To make love, and be loved, and let the role of Captain slip away…

… but this had to wait. He had a mission – he still had to be Captain. Ruth, real or not, could not be his concern now. So, steeling his strength, he forced himself away from the one person to look at him with affection and understanding in so many long years, and made his way towards his men.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“This isn’t real.”

He whispered it quietly under his breath as the knight came barreling across the ground. McCoy stood his ground. This wasn’t real, and he was going to prove it, to put an end to all this ridiculous imaginative strangeness, so he could finally relax.

It couldn’t be real – Don Juan, Alice in Wonderland, flocks of birds – they didn’t exist here. They weren’t real. Just because the so finely made dress that Barrows was now wearing was real didn’t mean these people weren’t illusions.

But there was a dissonance of thought there, he knew; how could one be real and the other not? The gun had been real, and Don Juan had been real enough to scare poor Barrows. This was real.

So why was he standing here, awaiting the sharp end of a spear that was surely about to pierce his skin? Bones told himself to move – that he didn’t need to die today, dammit, that he still had a job to do. Jim needed him.

But he stood, still as stone, watching with wide eyes as Death ran across to him. He couldn’t make himself move. Tried to tell himself he had a life worth living, but he couldn’t make himself believe the lie.

It was a rather foolish way to die, to be sure. Barrows was still waiting for him, too. But he knew deep down that, for all his playing, he’d never sleep with her. He’d never trust anyone enough to sleep with them again, never trust himself to make it work, never believe that he could keep any sort of relationship alive without poisoning it with his failures, never – 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“BONES!”

Jim barreled across the field towards his fallen friend, panic and terror shaking his heart. It couldn’t be real – it was another illusion, a trick, it was false –

But the body didn’t disappear under his touch, and the skin was cold and clammy, and it was Bones, Bones was dead, Bones –

No. No, no, no. He was supposed to have time, they were supposed to have time! They weren’t going to die on shore leave, on a planet of strange illusions! If they were to die at all it was going to be for something good, something big, defending the Federation and saving lives, not – not brought down by some anachronistic vision!

This wasn’t – it couldn’t – fists clenching, Jim killed his heart, killed it dead, and stood. 

He had a mission. He could mourn lives lost needlessly, and chances never taken, after everyone else was safe.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Spock did not often disagree with the aspects of his life which his Vulcan heritage gave him, but now – now he could do without the memory so perfect that Leonard McCoy’s dead body remained seared into his mind.

He did not dwell on it – did not think of the shattering pain which shook him and tore through his control, allowing a gasp to rip from his throat when he should have been silent, and calm. Officers often died on missions, such was the risk Starfleet officers took. The doctor – Leonard knew that, and Spock had a mission to complete, he had no time for emotionalism.

If Jim could hold himself together, so could Spock. They would complete the mission, take Leonard’s body back to the ship, and grieve properly later.

-=-=-=-=-=--==--=-=-==-

Jim threw himself at Finnegan again, the anger and agony rushing through his veins, letting it loose upon the enemy.

Another ghost from his past, come to haunt him – a former classmate, who’d crawled into Jim’s bed through the pulling-pigtails method, in which he forced his way into Jim’s life and grabbed his attention by pulling pranks and otherwise being obnoxious. Somehow, it had worked: they’d fallen into bed together countless time. It had never been love, just overflowing passion. Sometimes Jim had hated him for it – for being able to break through his shields, time and time again.

It was one of the reasons why Jim insisted upon being the instigator, now; to have control over the situation, so that others could not control him. Because Finnegan had undoubtedly controlled him, constantly taking him off guard, by surprise, shocking him with his daring and his… skills. Jim had hated that he couldn’t say no to the bastard, that he would tell himself “no more” and a week later find Finnegan in his bed again.

He had lost himself in that whirlwind relationship, falling prey to young passions and desires, and he refused to ever allow himself to do so again.

Staring into Finnegan’s smug grin brought back too many memories, too many passionate nights full of scratching and biting and laughter. What was this place,that it kept dredging up old loves, while taking his new one from him?

The reminder of Bones’ death sent a sudden thrill of agonized rage through him, and he leapt Finnegan again. Hit him over and over, giving him pain for all of Jim’s pain, for every kiss stolen, every night regretted, every insecurity made stronger, every sharp jab or joke that cut too deeply, for Bones and regrets –

He would never be that foolish again, would never allow another to control him through his desire, his feelings. Love would not be his master.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Bones was alive.

Jim watched him walk up with a thrill of shock and elation coursing through him, relief making his head spin and his knees weak. Alive. Joy brought a smile to his face, and across the field he saw Spock, looking almost as thrilled. No one else would ever be able to tell, but Jim could read it in his eyes.

After everything, after the explanation given by the ‘guardian’ of the place, and the shore leave had officially begun, Jim walked up to Bones in a stupor, unable to keep from laughing.

“Damn, Jim, what happened to you?”

The Captain glanced at his outfit and shook his head. “It’s nothing. I just…” Smiling, Jim brought his hands to his friend’s shoulders, feeling a thousand things bombarding him.

This was his chance. Bones loved him, and he loved Bones – and not five minutes ago, he’d thought any chance they could be together had died, that his love had turned to ashes. Now, with joyous relief flooded him, rushing through his veins, he realized this was a second chance, and it was time to seize it, to tell Bones the truth, to pull him into his arms and kiss him deeply –

“Captain,” Two heads turned to face Spock, who stood with an eyebrow cocked, hands behind his back. “I shall be returning to the ship now. Enjoy your shore leave.” Spock nodded to him, then turned to the doctor. For half a second it looked as if he might speak, but he didn’t, and then the light of transport took him away.

Shaking his head, Bones chuckled. “As chilly and distant as ever. I’d at least have thought my death would make him happy enough for a smile or something.”

“Bones!”

“What?” The doctor was smiling, almost cheerful, and though it made Jim beyond elated to see it, he felt the fire inside dimming. “Hey, you okay Jim?”

Slowly, the Captain nodded, lowering his hands. “I’m fine, Bones. Just… it’s good to have you back.”

Bones smiled at him, but something about it looked weak, broken. “Good to be back, Captain.” 

“Doctor?”

Again, they both turned, this time to face Yeoman Barrows. Bones gave a nervous chuckle, and approached the Yeoman, taking her outstretched hand.

“I’ll see you later, Jim.” He called back. “Have fun!”

“Right.” Jim didn’t bother smiling. “You too.”

“Jim?”

He didn’t have to turn to know who stood there: Ruth, in all her glory, a shade of the past. She was better than Finnegan, at least. Still, he remained where he was, watching Bones go, hands trembling, arm half outstretched as if to reach out and stop him. 

“Are you coming, Jim?”

Swallowing, he forced himself to turn to her. He took her hand. A ghost was better than nothing at all.

-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Spock stood in his laboratory, considering facts and figures, working on his research.

He did not think of the Shore Leave planet. He did not consider the likelihood that Jim had confided his feelings to the doctor, the possible percentages that they were at this very moment consummating their newfound relationship.

He did not think of them.

He thought about sciences, the inconvertible facts: such as force, gravity, relativity, and the impossibility that anyone would ever chose him as a lover, let alone anyone like Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy.


End file.
